I grew up watching the older women in my life never feeling good enough. Not pretty enough. Not slim enough. Not successful enough. Not appreciated enough. Not loved enough. Not healthy enough.
Self-worth was tied up in getting praise from others, sacrificing your own needs, living up to what others expected from you. You never showed how you truly felt and wore a mask that showed the outside world you were "doing fine".
At 13 years old, I developed a very unhealthy relationship with food and my body. I explored a variety of eating disorders to shrink myself. As a ballet dancer, I was exposed to blunt criticism and 'feedback' on my body shape. I under fuelled my body and as a result developed chronic health issues that resulted in periods from hell and lots of days feeling unwell (with barely enough energy to stay awake in the afternoons). I ploughed through in silence, not realising that how I was feeling was not normal.
It wasn't until I became a mother (in 2010) that the light bulb came on.
I realised that I needed to heal the relationship with myself (and my body) so that I could be a different kind of role model for my children. I was determined not to pass on the same unhelpful patterns to them.
I want them to see me as a woman who knows herself.
Values herself.
Understands herself.
Loves herself.
Trusts herself.
And never gives up on herself.